New relationships begin with so much excitement that, during the early days, it's hard to imagine that a few weeks or months down the road, there'll be such misunderstanding the relationship looks like it's heading for bad times. However , this is the story of so many relationships that begin on a great footing but reach a road block that leaves every person standing at the crossroads wondering whether they're destined for one another or are best to go in different directions.The fact is that headiness of the beginning of any relationship has a cutoff point on them and if you can weather the changes, it can change for good. But it involves high levels of communication. With yourself to understand the powerful emotions that sometimes accompany these challenges, and with the other person who themselves comes with their own story of what to expect.
Conflicts or fights typically arise due to differences in values, beliefs and expectations. When a pair meet and start the dating process, the mood is light, exciting and full of probabilities of where this might go. However , any challenge to the story we inevitably begin to tell ourselves about the other person and what relations should be like, leads to doubts and fears. Here's where a great amount of self-awareness becomes useful. Therefore the old chestnut "To truly get to know yourself, you must know yourself first"
Do you bail out out at the earliest sign the other person's behavior is unsatisfactory and tell yourself it is certainly a sign that all isn't well? Or do you ask and the other person some questions which might throw more light on what the other person is all about?
When feelings are high, it is commonly difficult to marshal your thoughts and communicate them clearly to the other person. One thing for sure If your or the other person's reaction to something seems to be way out of all proportion to the threat posed, this is virtually actually a reaction to something apart from the presenting problem. The presenting problem has pushed a button that causes associated fears, stresses and storytelling that went with the 1st experience.
But what do you do now when caught in the grip of a call of whether the argument is a sign that this isn't the relationship for you or if this is just a familiar trail you have travelled before and it's time to destroy the pattern? The answer I give all my clients is that to have great relationships you've got to have a great relationship with yourself first. The real work must be done within yourself. So time expended understanding your reactions and principles about the fight and relations in general is the best investment you can make for this relationship or any other one. Jot down your expectancies and beliefs about relations and how this person or the situation influences how you view what is going on. For example, if someone has an experience of folks cheating on them before, it's all too easy for them to make this presumption at the slightest indication of the other person being disloyal.
Regardless of what your story, it's your job to make sense of what has happened to you now and how the past is influencing your present. Only then can you start to make a few changes to smash your link with the pain of the past and learn effective communication abilities to navigate new relations. Without the veil of unquestioned beliefs, perceptions and stories that are often not related to the individual standing in front of you. You'll of course may require some training or counselling help to do this but it will be the best investment you made the standard of your communication directly matches the quality of all your personal interactions.
Conflicts or fights typically arise due to differences in values, beliefs and expectations. When a pair meet and start the dating process, the mood is light, exciting and full of probabilities of where this might go. However , any challenge to the story we inevitably begin to tell ourselves about the other person and what relations should be like, leads to doubts and fears. Here's where a great amount of self-awareness becomes useful. Therefore the old chestnut "To truly get to know yourself, you must know yourself first"
Do you bail out out at the earliest sign the other person's behavior is unsatisfactory and tell yourself it is certainly a sign that all isn't well? Or do you ask and the other person some questions which might throw more light on what the other person is all about?
When feelings are high, it is commonly difficult to marshal your thoughts and communicate them clearly to the other person. One thing for sure If your or the other person's reaction to something seems to be way out of all proportion to the threat posed, this is virtually actually a reaction to something apart from the presenting problem. The presenting problem has pushed a button that causes associated fears, stresses and storytelling that went with the 1st experience.
But what do you do now when caught in the grip of a call of whether the argument is a sign that this isn't the relationship for you or if this is just a familiar trail you have travelled before and it's time to destroy the pattern? The answer I give all my clients is that to have great relationships you've got to have a great relationship with yourself first. The real work must be done within yourself. So time expended understanding your reactions and principles about the fight and relations in general is the best investment you can make for this relationship or any other one. Jot down your expectancies and beliefs about relations and how this person or the situation influences how you view what is going on. For example, if someone has an experience of folks cheating on them before, it's all too easy for them to make this presumption at the slightest indication of the other person being disloyal.
Regardless of what your story, it's your job to make sense of what has happened to you now and how the past is influencing your present. Only then can you start to make a few changes to smash your link with the pain of the past and learn effective communication abilities to navigate new relations. Without the veil of unquestioned beliefs, perceptions and stories that are often not related to the individual standing in front of you. You'll of course may require some training or counselling help to do this but it will be the best investment you made the standard of your communication directly matches the quality of all your personal interactions.
About the Author:
Clare Mann is a best selling author and has just released Communicate: How To Say What Needs To Be Said, When It Needs To Be Said, In The Way It Needs To Be Said. For free video tips on improving your communication skills visit http://communicate31.com/7tips
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